How Far Will Certainty Get Us In Our Daily Lives?
Certainty is said to be an emotional state, and that it's there for survival. I suppose we all have our own definitions about certainty and it's meaning to us in our daily lives. I never personally really thought about it until I did. Though I didn't always see that I had made myself a giant shadow of certainty that was clouding everything else. As I reflect on my own personal experiences, I realize now that I was doing everything I could to attain certainty for survival yes, but also for happiness and peace. Somehow I convinced myself that certainty will get me there. I felt like if I didn't make things up in my head going the way I hoped it would go with absolute certainty, all would be lost.
I worked so hard to hide from this truth I wasn't willing to accept. When we don't accept truth we can't see the problem, and I just didn't see that's what I was doing.It's terrifying to digest, and super shocking to swallow when you fully become aware of the clear message about uncertainty; everything in life is not set in stone, accept for, as Benjamin Franklin said "death and taxes."
Looking back, I am still curious: I don't understand why I wanted everything in my life to be a hundred percent certain. Somehow I did train myself to bet my life on it.
My guess is that I was too afraid to be uncertain about my life and every aspect of it. But my life - I found out - isn't a book already written in stone; it is more like an ever going story that appears one page at a time, and no one knows exactly what will appear in the story either. Sounds like a fun story doesn't it? Imagine the excitement of reading the next appeared page of the story where you know you have no clue literally as to what you are about to read. That's how I see it now, like a magic story book always being written, always filled with twists and turns, keeping the reader excited and motivated to read the next story.
I know I am not the only one; we all feel we need to have certainty in our lives in order to feel safety and happiness. Now though, I find myself asking "Is it really so horrible to live life uncertain?" As you can see It's growing on me!
But before I got there, I went through some tough learning; as the saying goes we are our own enemies. My determination and stubbornness didn't help me either.
Years went on, and nothing ever worked out as certain as I made it up in my head to be. So much courage and strength was drained out of me because life wasn't proving to be certain whatsoever; going the way it's suppose to go based on my persuasion of certainty. It broke me, it split me, it shrunk me till nothing but exhaustion was left over. That looks something like an ice cube melting away - I was the ice cube.
I am naturally a positive person, and I have faith; which I later learned sometimes can over shadow the difference between faith, positivity, and certainty. I got to a point where I couldn't stand myself anymore, something had to be understood and dealt with. Something had to seriously change! So when I was ready to slowly but surely face uncertainty, I started to slowly but surely climb out of the deep hole I dug. The more I practiced to communicate to myself that uncertainty is okay, and I didn't have to be afraid of it anymore, the better I felt.
The most amazing part to this was when I laid down to meditate that day; I heard myself saying "here I am, here I am." That's it, nothing else; not how I was feeling in those moments of meditation, or how I should feel when it's over; good, better, relaxed, and so on. I didn't have the desire to be certain about how I needed to feel and why. I just was! I was nothing but awareness of knowing that I am. In those moments of about one minute, I was - and there was nothing else attached to that. What an incredible feeling! Every day has been getting easier and lighter as I practice enjoying uncertainty. Those are the moments that motivate me!
It's been truly a curious, challenging yet a fun journey to become friends with uncertainty. It has taught me so much! I am able to understand the difference now between certainty faith and positivity; living positively is less about being certain in life, and more about the inner state of being with our physical, emotional and spiritual self.
Faith is the complete opposite of certainty if you think about it; there are no facts or evidence to prove faith certain, unless you have had a soulful inner self experience. Even then based on how we define certainty I don't think we can prove it. I sure thought I could with everything in my life.
I was determined to prove uncertainty wrong, and I was desperate to get certainty in my pocket! But After several years of chasing, I never got there. Meanwhile what I did get is a lot of anger, anxiety, frustration, and depression. At the time I didn't see that chasing certainty what was causing me life problems. I thought I had to work harder on myself, and become even more certain. I double down harder and tougher -trying to hang on to my story I made up in my head; that everything will be as certain as I say it will be. I really did believe that certainty would get me where I wanted to go and make me happy.
It wasn't till this year that I finally was able to break free from being a hostage to certainty; I was ready to learn and peel this one wide open once and for all! I was too tired of running marathons non stop in my mind. I didn't want to be certain anymore. I literally just didn't care about it. It was in that moment when I just had no energy left to give that I was able to purge it out of my self. Afterwards, about couple days later, upon my reflections, I saw just how little if any my certainty mattered when it came to life. It never mattered how much energy I gave it, nothing changed the course of life as it unfolded. There was nothing I ever really could do other than unfold with it.
These days I don't think it's fair to believe in certainty for everything in my life anymore; it only sets me up to fail, and feel sad, angry and confused instead of living life as it will.
If you struggle with certainty, maybe these words will help you as well to live life feeling safe, happy and okay. After all, the truth is we don't know how most things will work out, but what matters is that we know we can trust ourselves to have what it takes to keep up, resolve, and continue on doing what makes our hearts sing - even when we encounter challenges. What matters is that we don't ever give up! Of course there are those times that get the better of me too, and I do my best to redirect the course back to path of well being. It's not always easy, but the more I practice, the more I have the upper hand to change my thoughts and emotions back to where I want them to be. It's certain that at times it will be challenging, while other times things will be very pleasant, but either way life will unfold one way or another - weather we want it to or not. What's great is that you will be there ready - always ready!
If you show up and practice when certainty comes knocking, your daily life will improve dramatically - the more you practice letting certainty go. Your mood will also improve as you will find yourself less angry, sad, or depressed. There will be a balance of self. Your life will be less overwhelming because you have broken down the wall of certainty; you understand how to keep it in place; till one day you might not even have to, fully accepting uncertainty in all aspects of your life. Sure would be nice wouldn't it? And it's possible to achieve!
Plus you will no longer have to worry about how exactly everything might happen as life unfolds. Instead, you will be fully in the jaws of life - in the very center of life all around you - not on the side lines trying to deal with certainty because it got the better of you. Trust me I get it, but it's worth trying!
I never thought or considered that certainty would be the very thing to dig me such a deep hole I am thankful to be out of. I am in awe of how much it took away from my safety and happiness. From my well being and peace. No one wants to be a hostage, we want to be free to fully live our lives.
I hope you find these words helpful, and I hope your life improves too as you practice letting certainty go one day at a time. I have plenty of uncertainty happening in my life right now, but at last I am now becoming friends with it.
So give your self time, think about it, and enjoy the journey as you become friends with uncertainty in your life - if you would like of course. I know it's not for everyone:)